you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The air was thick with penises
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
