doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
