i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
