Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
