Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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