So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
