I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
They took my balls.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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