She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
