Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
