Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
