Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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