My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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