you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
