there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
