So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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