A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
