This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
