im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
