why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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