According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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