You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
