Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
