i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
