People with herpes should wear stickers.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize