she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
