if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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