Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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