you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
try to milk me bitch
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