somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
foreskin is a definite game changer
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
