The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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