I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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