I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
handjob tips. give me some.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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