I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
