Who did Billy Mays play for?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
