Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
