before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
