Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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