this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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