i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
