So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
