I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize