new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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