I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
