Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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