this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
