so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
