I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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