upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize