in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
