Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
