Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
