Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
