Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
