omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
