glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
