Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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