16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
