just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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