He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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