we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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