i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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