my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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