Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
