Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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