I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
