I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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