Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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