i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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