He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
