He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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