Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
