Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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