I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize