He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
