our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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